have you ever had the feeling that what you’re doing is not worth doing and yet, you’re doing it anyway? that’s how i am feeling right now. i don’t feel productive in my christian life. i feel as if something is crucially missing, but i have yet to find it. i feel that whatever that i am doing is not enough, and that somethings that i’m doing are obsolete or even detrimental to my faith.

i guess, i would like to find fulfillment. i so not want an empty life. right now, i’m feeling rather empty. so what if i’m trying to be nice, when i don’t get the essence of it, just because: the bible says so? it cannot be! it has to stem from an inner want. that’s what i’m trying to find that inner want.